Get Me Off Of This Emotional Roller Coaster!!!

What an absolutely cruel week!!!  I've had major ups and downs.  I spent all of Thursday crying.  I just want this next few weeks to flash by with good results so that I have at least a little clue as to what's going on.

Wednesday:  Spotting started.  I thought perhaps it was implantation bleeding, so I didn't worry too much about it.

Thursday: Went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood and lots of it.  I freaked out and called Genesis who said that I should go and have my beta drawn early.  It was supposed to happen today (March 11th) but they wanted it done on the Saturday (March 8th).  I spent the rest of the day crying uncontrollably on the couch, preparing for the worst.

Friday:  Bleeding is increasing and I've seen a few small clots.  Totally prepared for the worst.  I think I got all of my crying out on Thursday.  I'm just depressed.  Why didn't this work?  I have no symptoms of pregnancy anymore.

Saturday:  Headed to the lab at 7am.  Burst into tears trying to register because I know this is going to give me the horrible news that this cycle was a bust.  Bleeding is about the same.  It's like having a normal period, so that's exactly what I'm assuming it is.  I'm going through pads in a couple of hours.  Came home, sat on the couch (Lance has me on bedrest until we know for sure) and waited for the results to come through.  Checked the ehealth website every half an hour and finally saw that they were there around 2pm.  My beta was 15.  Talk about incon-frigging-clusive!  Genesis called and told me that the numbers were really low and that they want to see it over 100 when I go again on Monday, but to be prepared that they will probably be lower.

Sunday:  Lance hung out on my couch prison with me all day.  We watched Suits and Lie To Me on Netflix.  He cooked dinner and got mad at me if I so much as tried to get up.  He really is super wonderful.

Monday:  Arrived at the lab at 6:45.  Tearful/fearful again.  Felt a little nauseated this morning, but figured that was from stress.  Came home, back to my couch prison and waited.  I checked around 11am for the results but nothing was in yet (it really is handy having them post on ehealth so that I don't have to wait for my Dr to review them and call me).  I checked that website every 30 minutes and I'd hold my breath as I clicked on "View reports" but each time it just said that todays labs were incomplete.  Checked at 1pm and forgot to hold my breath... And of course they were in.  I gave myself a pep talk that we'd just have to figure out when would be a good time to try another cycle.  Beta results = 25.  What the hell!  They've gone up!  Not quite doubled, but it is so close, and still so low.  I called Lance and he said to get the bleeding checked out so I called my family Dr.  She's gone for the day.  I head to the ER.  Tyson was working triage and I felt relieved, especially when he told me that it's super busy but he'd get me in faster.  I guess there are benefits to being staff (that and most of the people in the waiting room had stupid complaints).  The ER Dr did a quick abdominal ultrasound and said that he thinks he could see a sac and would like me to go for a full ultrasound the next day.  I went back home excited and hopeful, and to rest more.

Tuesday:  I just got back from my ultrasound.  It doesn't look good.  The tech didn't see anything that resembles a sac, nor did she see any reason for the bleeding, so here I am again, back on the roller coaster, and waiting for tomorrow's beta test to see what the hell is going on with me.  Am I pregnant or not?  Why does this have to be so tortuous!!!!!

Hopefully I have the heart to update again soon, with good news.  Otherwise, see you when we do another cycle.