18 weeks pregnant tomorrow.

Well, it's been a long time, but things turned out well for us.  I will be 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow after a natural frozen IVF cycle.  Here's how it all went down...

• We got one embryo transferred on October 8th, 2015.  I was given a lab req. for my beta-HCG for October 19th and 21st.
• I avoided the internet for the 2ww.  
• I kept myself as busy as possible. 
• I tried to forget that I had one dollar store pregnancy test left from the last cycle.
• I started falling asleep really early every evening
• My boobs started hurting
• I tried to put my tiredness and boobs at the back of my mind but Lance was getting suspicious!
• October 18th came and I could no longer forget that I had that test sitting there in the bathroom...

Lance and I were making breakfast and I had to go to the bathroom, so I excused myself.  I'd already managed to get rid of my "first morning pee", but I just couldn't help myself.  I grabbed that test out and pee'd!  

Then I waited.

Nothing happened.  

I tried to hide my emotions as I hid the test deep at the back of the cupboard and came back out to the kitchen, shaking.  

I was so upset.  Why did I take the test?  Why didn't I just wait until the next day when I could go to the lab and at least Lance would be able to support me then, but I'm going to have to live with this horrible secret all day. 

Then I thought "What if I just didn't wait long enough?"  Three minutes is a long time, especially when you're trying to be secretive.  I ran back to the bathroom, ripped the cupboard apart to find the test and to my surprise, it showed two lines.  

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!  No way!  

I ran out to the kitchen and blabbed to a very surprised Lance "I'm pregnant".  

And that's pretty much how the rest of that day went.  It seems like forever ago already.  

I had the lab test the next morning which confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, and the follow up two days later confirmed that the Beta-HCG levels were indeed doubling, and thus starts this new transition from "trying" to "achieving".  

Stay tuned! :D

The Big "O"

Get your mind out of the gutter!

I ovulated today.

And yes, that is a dollar store Ovulation Predictor test.

Last month we spent $50 on a digital kit, and it was garbage.  We use this cassette type test in the ER (to check for pregnancy, not ovulation!  Lol), so I thought "Why not?"

I've made my phonecall to Genesis... Now to hear back on what happens next!

Stay tuned!
:D

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret...

And by Margaret, I mean Marie.

Soooooooooooooo... I'm a married woman now!  We got married on June 20th in Hope, BC.  The weather was beautiful, the ceremony was (aside from my Dad stepping on my dress...Lol) lovely and the reception was so much fun!!! 

As soon as the wedding was officially over, we contacted Genesis to look into starting a new cycle.  I was rushed in within a few weeks to have a consultation and yet another hysteroscopy.  The hysteroscopy went well and we were told that we could do a natural cycle.  Woohoo!!!  The nurse was going to bring us all the paperwork and then we were free to go.  Well, she brought us the labwork requisitions we needed to update, and a piece of paper with the cycle directions on it.  We went home and waited for day one of my cycle.  

Day one came.  I called the clinic and booked my ultrasound.  I was told that I needed to pay that day.  Well, I don't know how much to pay or what I'm even paying for.  Turns out the nurse hadn't given me that information.  I'm not paying until I know exactly what my cycle includes!  They agreed to let me pay when I came for my ultrasound.  

Day 10 came.  I went in for my ultrasound (after paying the $1500 fee and finding out that only 3 ultrasounds are covered in that fee...Wtf!), the Dr seemed to have no clue what she was doing and was concerned about a shadow that she saw on the ultrasound.  I reminded her that I had just had a hysteroscopy and that everything looked good.  The nurse confirmed that it was less than two weeks ago and she said "Oh, if I wasn't concerned then, I shouldn't be concerned now".  How comforting...  The nurse told me that I could start using the ovulation testing kit now.  I went home, feeling a bit miffed and not very confident in this cycle.  I mean, It's not really starting out well, is it!  

Day 19 came.  I have spent the last 9 mornings getting up at ridiculous o'clock to check for ovulation.  We had bought the most expensive kit we could find.  Clearblue Easy Digital.  Well, let me tell you something...There's nothing easy about trying to pee the right amount onto a stick that you can't easily see because you're too busy peeing!  I think it was day three, I hadn't gotten that exciting little smiley face yet (yes, it smiles when you ovulate), and I either didn't pee enough OR I pee'd too much, so my stick gave me an error. How annoying!  There's money down the drain, quite literally!  I woke up the next morning, and scrambled to find something to pee in so that I could control the test a little better...Uh oh... I should have thought of this before I had sat on the toilet...What am I gonna grab, oh...There's a candle jar with a tealight candle...Looks good to me.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I pee'd in a bloody candleholder.  

I dipped my stick for the required time.  I didn't get an error.  I didn't ovulate.

The candleholder was my new pee-cup. 

I tested every day, certain that I'd see a smile soon.  Nothing.

I became sullied. 

I caved and googled about ovulation.  So apparently stress doesn't make your period late, it changes how you ovulate, which in turn messes up your period!  Well...I think the uncertainty of this cycle, coupled with the fact that I'm being audited by the government for my 2014 medical expenses from IVF (because it's not covered in BC as it's elective, but if I wanted a sex change, that's covered...PFFT!), and I'm getting called for jury selection and a myriad of other irritating "life events" ... Well, that's possibly why I didn't ovulate!  

I called the clinic and told them that I was out of sticks and asked what the next step is.  The nurse that I spoke with told me that I needed to come in for another ultrasound to confirm my lack of ovulation.  Hell no!  I'm not about to waste my second included ultrasound on an obvious negative result!!!  I also told her that I'm busy with jury selection that day and would have to call back to book an appointment/phone consult on Tuesday.   She told me to continue OPK testing daily until I called back.  Like heck I was spending another $50 on a kit.  I went to the Dollarama and bought the cheapo ones there.  $1.25...Heck yes!  After all, they're no different than the pregnancy tests we use in the ER!  

Right on the box, in plain view... "The best time to test is between 10am - 8pm.  Don't use first morning urine as ovulation occurs later in the day and the test won't recognize it".  What????????  I re-read the instructions from the expensive test "Test any time of the day, but don't pee for at least 4 hours prior".  There was nothing in the gigantic two page poster that came with the Clearblue Easy tests that I should test at certain times, and seriously, who can go 4 hours without peeing during the day?  Ugh!   More confusion!  

#screwyouclearblue

Tuesday, I called and talked to someone else.  Someone that I haven't talked to yet.  She was knowledgeable and empathetic, she apologized for the lack of communication I'd experienced.  Finally... Someone that cares, someone that actually knows something.  I explained to her that I think I was testing too early and she said that I should have been told to test between 11am - 1pm. GREAT!  Just what I wanted to hear after literally pissing $50 away!  Not to mention the entire month!  I pissed away a month!  *cry*

So here I sit... Anxiously awaiting day one, yet again... I'll need to have another confirmation ultrasound on day 10, then start the OPK tests, again.... Hopefully this time the clinic gets their shit together and gives me all the information I need.  What a horrible, frustrating, irritating cycle this has been so far.  

I need a vacation!

Emotional Rollercoaster #2

Up and down we go.

I started spotting on Tuesday, it got worse on Wednesday to the point where I was depressed and worried, now it's back to how it was on Tuesday.  Implantation bleeding?  Who frigging knows.  I'm trying to keep calm and relaxed, but it's always there in the back of my mind.  The constant worry of not knowing anything until Monday.  Tomorrow I will pee on a stick!  I might even do it tonight because I have 3 tests just sitting around, also, I'm impatient!

Monday is our official beta test date, and I really hope that I get some high numbers so that I can stop worrying about this, and start worrying about the 12 week wait!

Whoever said pregnancy was easy was an idiot!

This will be me in a few hours!

Of All The Days...

So yesterday was transfer day.
It was Friday the 13th.
It was a full moon.
It was also Mercury Retrograde.

The full moon is considered a "Honey Moon" as it happened on a Friday 13th.  That next time anyone will see that will be in 2049.  That's pretty cool.

I can't say that I wasn't intimidated by the thought of transferring two of our remaining four embryos with such notoriously ominous signs, but that was the date that we were given, and there's not much that we can do other than to throw our superstitions aside and just hope for the best.

Lance and I headed down to Vancouver around 9am.  We were gonna head to Denny's for some breakfast before the transfer.  Unfortunately someone's Friday 13th wasn't going so well and we encountered a huge accident on Hwy1 that resulted in a long detour through town.  By the time we arrived in Vancouver, we only had 40 minutes before our appointment so we decided that it would be best to eat after.  Hopefully the half a bagel that we'd each had before we left would tide us over.  Lol.

I started getting nervous as we were sitting in the waiting room.  What if the embryos didn't survive the thaw?  What if something goes wrong and they can't do the transfer?  Millions of questions and concerns invaded my thoughts.  Lance told me to quit worrying and that everything would be fine.  And he was right.

The nurse greeted us as we entered the procedure room. Dr. Kashyap followed shortly behind, with her kind, calming personality.  The embryologist came in the room and introduced himself as "our babysitter".  It's a nice atmosphere, if you don't think about the fact that I have my legs up in the air with a speculum in my hoohaa displayed for all the world to see.

The embryologist returned back to the lab and we watched on the big screen as he captured the two embryos into a catheter and brought them out for the Dr.  Then the magic happened.  We witnessed the "Shooting star" again as the embryos were pushed out of the catheter and into what I really hope will be their home for the next 9 months.

Our two embryos.  Six days old and ready to meet their new home.

A comparison with the first embryo at day 5.

Now all there is to do is sit and wait it out.  We can officially test on June 23rd.  I'm sure I won't make it that long without doing a home pregnancy test, but we'll see.  I'm trying my hardest (and failing) to not google too much about this cycle.  I've tried comparing my embryos to other day 6 embryos, but they're all so different.  We have a 4AA and a 4BB, at least that's what they were frozen as.  I don't know if they'd be a 5 or 6 AA/BB by this point, or if they're still considered a 4... Way too much to learn...But I digress...

We transferred two embryos on a Friday the 13th with a full moon, and Mercury being all retrograde and stuff... The more "fingers crossed" we get, the better.  

I will update very soon, I'm sure!

Transfer Day Tomorrow

I just got the phone call from the embryologist and they're all set to do the transfer at noon tomorrow.  Lance has taken the day off of work and we'll head out to Vancouver in the morning.  I might make him take me out for a good breakfast first.  ;)

I asked about the thawing of the embryos and he said that they do it first thing in the morning.  It takes about 45 minutes, then they let them sit until noon to heal and grow a little bit more.  We'll get a picture of the embryos, then I'm gonna spend the rest of the day with my legs up in the air.  Hehehe.

My fingers, toes and anything else that can be crossed, are crossed!!!

An Update (Original, eh?)

So it's been a little while since my last update.  I started taking the nasty nasal spray on May 22nd.  I hated it!!!  I'd actually rather have been giving myself injections than having to take that hideous spray!  It would send me into sneezing, sniffling fits about 20 minutes after taking it, then I'd be able to taste it down my throat and it would taste like ear wax (don't even ask!  Lol).  I had to use the spray twice a day, then on May 31st, I added Estrace pills to the mix.  They weren't bad at all.  I didn't feel any different taking these medications than I did not taking them, so I was a little worried that they weren't working.

We've been stressing out about the potential transfer date as they had given us a tentative date of May 14th and Lance has his best friends stag party that day.  He's the best man, so he's planned it all and he can't be in two places at once.  Unselfish Marie wants him to go to the stag and have a good time, but selfish Marie kind of wants her fiancée in the same room as her when she gets pregnant.  I don't think that's too unreasonable!

I had my first ultrasound this morning and didn't quite know how to feel while I was driving out there.  Were they going to tell me that the lining wasn't good again and that they'd have to cancel the cycle?  Would they have to bump up the medications that I'm taking?  Of course, traffic sucked so the drive felt like it took twice as long.

Dr Kashyap did the ultrasound and good news... My lining is 10.5mm thick and my ovaries are quiet. They're going to go ahead and do a double embryo transfer on Friday.  This means that I can stop taking that horrific nasal spray, and I can stay at the same dose of Estrace rather than increasing it to 3 times daily... The only poopy thing is that I have to start taking the Endometrin three times a day now.  Yuck!  Oh well... Hopefully it'll all be worth it in the end!!!

Back Again

Yesterday was cycle day one.

I left a message with Genesis to let them know and they called back this morning.

Apparently they want to do a fully augmented cycle.  What the heck does that mean?  It means that I have to take some frigging medication again.

I'm not super happy with this as I was under the impression that she wanted to try a natural cycle this time as my hormones were too much last cycle, and that is potentially what caused the failure.

I started the birth control pill today.  That, I can handle.  What annoys me is that the nurse is telling me that after my ultrasound on the 14th, I will have to start taking the nasal spray.  Why do I have to take it?  That doesn't sound very natural to me!!!

I had a good cry on the phone to Lance while he was at work.  I think I'm obviously just frustrated as I really don't want to be on any medications again.  It's hard enough remembering to take my pre-natal vitamin, iron pill and folic acid.

Lance took me out for dinner tonight.  I think he felt pretty bad for me.
He also knows that the answer to most problems is wine.

I love that guy.

I guess we'll see what happens on the 14th after the ultrasound.

It's a no-go for this month.

I went for my ultrasound last Tuesday and my uterus lining is crap.  Dr. Kashyap did offer to do a medicated cycle, but suggested we wait one more month to see if the lining is better.  I'm sure it's just residual hormones on my system because my "monthlies" wasn't quite normal.  We have decided to take her advice and wait until next cycle to see what's happening.  Pass the wine?  :)
At this rate, we're looking at a 2015 baby.  This is getting dangerously close to our wedding date.  Eep!

C'mon Uterus... You can doooooo eeeet!

New Beginnings

I'm not a phone person at all, but I opted to have a phone consultation with Genesis on Monday to go over the last cycle.  I would rather talk on the phone than deal with Vancouver traffic if I have to!  I hate, hate, hate Vancouver traffic!  

Dr Kashyap was her normal kind, gentle self on the phone and after offering her sympathies got right to business.  She thinks that the cycle failed because my hormone levels were out of whack and that led to a crappy baby-welcoming environment in this old uterus of mine.  

All that said and done, she said that she thinks that we should try a natural cycle, with the possibility of a multi-embryo transfer.  My interest piqued!  No hormones, and twice the chance!  After the embryo is transferred then they will probably start me on the Progesterone pessaries again, but that should be it.  It sounds wonderful.  I won't be all messed up and crazy... Maybe.  ;)

Now I just have to wait for good old Aunt Flow to visit me to start the process.  This may be the first time in my life I will be excited to get my monthlies.  Teehee.  

In the past few weeks I have made some discoveries about myself.  My iron levels SUCK.  It's true.  My Dr's have been telling me this for years, and one had even threatened to transfuse me if I didn't smarten up and take those damn pills.  Well, I kind of fell off the wagon for a bit after the big disappointment and stopped taking all of my pills.  Stupid?  Yes!  I became tired... Irritable... Pale.  I hadn't really noticed that I'd become more awake, happier, colorful when I was taking the pills, so I put myself back on them all.  Prenatals, Folates, Iron!  Maybe I'll just be stuck taking pills for the rest of my life, but it's better than being a tired, crabby bitch that looks like death.  Lance also suggested that if I stop taking them, he'll start drugging me.  Duly noted.  

So there you have it.  We have four more frozen "chances" to make this happen, and I really hope that this natural cycle works.  I don't think I'll be quite so neurotic with the googling this time.  I'll just let nature take its course and hopefully the outcome will be so much better than the last time!  

See ya soon!  

xoxo

My Chemical Pregnancy

I am sad all over.  I had my Beta-HCG level done this morning and it's only 14.  I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.  It never fails!  Lance always tells me that I live in the "worst-case-scenario" zone, and that I should try to be more positive.  It's not that I enjoy dragging my feelings around on the floor, it's that I find it easier to pick up and carry on when I'm hit with a blow if I'm already expecting the worst.

That being said, I just got off the phone with the fertility clinic.  They always give me a chance to review my own lab-work online before they call so I already knew the bad news when I answered.  It's now confirmed that I had a chemical pregnancy and I need to repeat my Beta-HCG next Wednesday to make sure it's dropped down to 5 or lower.  I made myself a large mug of strong coffee because really, there's no reason not to drink coffee today now.

I haven't really cried yet.  It's been such a stressful week, I honestly think I'm just thankful to finally know what's going on so that we can plan our next move.  I think it'll be hard when Lance gets home and we have to see each other upset.  That's where the bottle of wine that my Brother gave me for my Birthday will come in handy.  

I'm frustrated about the conversation that I had with the nurse, and I know that she's just trying to help and make sure I'm going to be ok and that I'm not going to turn into Eeyore, the donkey of depression... It's just that, I felt that she wanted to talk more about how this affected the staff and not how it affected me. 

"You know, this is really hard... Especially for us.  We waited for your labs to come in and were all so disappointed that they had gone down"  

She even used a crap analogy of a playground.

"Remember when we were kids and we'd play on the see-saw... Those ups and downs were what would make us laugh, and it's the ups and downs in our current lives that still make us laugh".

I just don't feel like laughing.

She did end the call with "Enjoy your evening"

I effing will.  I'm going to have some wine!  

Another thing that has made me sad is having to leave the super-secret-pregnant-moms facebook group that I was in (no, that's not the groups real name. If I told you that, then it wouldn't be so secret anymore!).  I had enjoyed all the constant updates from everyone, complaining about ill-fitting clothes to horrific morning sickness to almost getting busted by friends for looking pregnant.  I truly wish that I was able to continue on my journey with the girls in that group, but it's just not our time.  Hopefully I will be able to join another secret group in the next couple of months, but until then, I wish all of my friends the best luck with their pregnancies, and just because I'm no longer in that group, I'd still like to hear that occasional update from ya'll... So let me know how it's going, and all that stuff... Blog comments are eagerly awaited!!!  

So now our next step is to book an appointment with the Dr and go over what she feels happened with this cycle and how they want to approach the next cycle.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

At least I can stop taking those darn progesterone pessaries now!!!

Get Me Off Of This Emotional Roller Coaster!!!

What an absolutely cruel week!!!  I've had major ups and downs.  I spent all of Thursday crying.  I just want this next few weeks to flash by with good results so that I have at least a little clue as to what's going on.

Wednesday:  Spotting started.  I thought perhaps it was implantation bleeding, so I didn't worry too much about it.

Thursday: Went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood and lots of it.  I freaked out and called Genesis who said that I should go and have my beta drawn early.  It was supposed to happen today (March 11th) but they wanted it done on the Saturday (March 8th).  I spent the rest of the day crying uncontrollably on the couch, preparing for the worst.

Friday:  Bleeding is increasing and I've seen a few small clots.  Totally prepared for the worst.  I think I got all of my crying out on Thursday.  I'm just depressed.  Why didn't this work?  I have no symptoms of pregnancy anymore.

Saturday:  Headed to the lab at 7am.  Burst into tears trying to register because I know this is going to give me the horrible news that this cycle was a bust.  Bleeding is about the same.  It's like having a normal period, so that's exactly what I'm assuming it is.  I'm going through pads in a couple of hours.  Came home, sat on the couch (Lance has me on bedrest until we know for sure) and waited for the results to come through.  Checked the ehealth website every half an hour and finally saw that they were there around 2pm.  My beta was 15.  Talk about incon-frigging-clusive!  Genesis called and told me that the numbers were really low and that they want to see it over 100 when I go again on Monday, but to be prepared that they will probably be lower.

Sunday:  Lance hung out on my couch prison with me all day.  We watched Suits and Lie To Me on Netflix.  He cooked dinner and got mad at me if I so much as tried to get up.  He really is super wonderful.

Monday:  Arrived at the lab at 6:45.  Tearful/fearful again.  Felt a little nauseated this morning, but figured that was from stress.  Came home, back to my couch prison and waited.  I checked around 11am for the results but nothing was in yet (it really is handy having them post on ehealth so that I don't have to wait for my Dr to review them and call me).  I checked that website every 30 minutes and I'd hold my breath as I clicked on "View reports" but each time it just said that todays labs were incomplete.  Checked at 1pm and forgot to hold my breath... And of course they were in.  I gave myself a pep talk that we'd just have to figure out when would be a good time to try another cycle.  Beta results = 25.  What the hell!  They've gone up!  Not quite doubled, but it is so close, and still so low.  I called Lance and he said to get the bleeding checked out so I called my family Dr.  She's gone for the day.  I head to the ER.  Tyson was working triage and I felt relieved, especially when he told me that it's super busy but he'd get me in faster.  I guess there are benefits to being staff (that and most of the people in the waiting room had stupid complaints).  The ER Dr did a quick abdominal ultrasound and said that he thinks he could see a sac and would like me to go for a full ultrasound the next day.  I went back home excited and hopeful, and to rest more.

Tuesday:  I just got back from my ultrasound.  It doesn't look good.  The tech didn't see anything that resembles a sac, nor did she see any reason for the bleeding, so here I am again, back on the roller coaster, and waiting for tomorrow's beta test to see what the hell is going on with me.  Am I pregnant or not?  Why does this have to be so tortuous!!!!!

Hopefully I have the heart to update again soon, with good news.  Otherwise, see you when we do another cycle.

7DP5DT

Yes, that's 7 days past my 5 day transfer, and still no BFP.  To say that I feel a little weepy today would be an understatement.  I've googled enough information to know that there's still hope for me, but I had a little bit of spotting last night and this morning, and any other symptoms that I had have pretty much dwindled away.  I also understand that any symptoms that I did have were probably from the massive amounts of medications that I had been taking.  

I know that the bleeding could mean two things.  AF or Implantation Bleeding.  I really hope that it's the latter.  I keep getting these sharp pains in my stomach and most of the reading that I've done, people have AF like cramps with the spotting.  Mine are definitely not AF like.  They're pinchy.

I have been fighting back tears as I stupidly read blog after blog about people who have been in this same situation, hoping to find someone that I can compare my reproductive system with.  Someone who has gone through the exact same steps that I have, but we are all different, and our journeys are equally as different.  Some of them ended up pregnant, some of them ended up drowning their sorrows in wine.  Reading all of the comments on each blog entry is equally as frustrating.  They're also filled with other peoples hopes and fears.
"You're testing too early"
"I didn't get my BFP until the OTD"
"Sorry for your loss, I had that same spotting then MC'd"
"I didn't get my BFP until 9DP5DT"
"Hang in there, don't get down".
"Test again in two days"
"Don't test at home, wait until the OTD"

Surely with all of the advances in the medical field there has to be a way of monitoring the embryo without making families suffer through this 2WW.  It's barbaric!  I'm on my way to a nervous breakdown!!!

BFN

Wandering through the colorful aisles at our local Dollarama, I always get a good giggle when I head down the health aisle and see the dollar store pregnancy tests, sitting right next to the dollar store condoms.  I told Bailey once "If you ever use a dollar store condom, you'll be back for the pregnancy test, so don't!".  Now here I stand, at the cash register with my basket full of cheapo pregnancy tests (and we all know that I didn't use the dollar store condoms...It was immaculate conception, or something like that).  

I researched the effectiveness of the dollar store pregnancy tests as I've noticed a lot of women on BabyCenter and other forums swear by them, and they're all pregnant.  I found out that they are actually Health Canada approved and really, what more do I need a urine test to do other than check my pee for HCG.  I figured, not unlike hundreds of other women "Why should I pay $20 for a HPT when they have them for $1.25 and I can check my pee daily on the cheap!"  

Well, I came home and explained to Lance that I'd spent a small fortune on said tests and that I wanted to do one.  Wise old Lance retorted with "Why don't you just wait?"  Why?  Because this is pure torture!!!  I hate this not-knowing!  I hate questioning every feeling I get in my body and wandering if it's a symptom of pregnancy or my own insanity.  

I pee'd on that stick.

I got a BFN.  For you guys that have no idea what a BFN is, or the HPT, HCG and all the other acronyms that I will probably use now that I'm part of this secret society of pregnant ladies... BFN means "BIG FAT NEGATIVE".  The other ones, you can look up yourselves.  :P

Anyway... I half expected to get the BFN as I had done the math before hand.

Trigger shot = Feb 20th @ 10pm.  Lasts in your body from 9-14 days.

Embryo Transfer = Feb 27th @ 11am.  Implantation takes approximately 5 days after the transfer to complete.

So basically, I'm in this not-pregnant limbo, but I have ruled out the possibility of having the trigger shot still in my system.. So basically now, all I have to do is wait, and pee on a stick every day until we hopefully get our BFP (This one's easy!).  

I'm trying to stay as positive as I can, but even though I expected it to be negative, a little piece of me wanted to see a really strong positive.  

I shall report more on my findings tomorrow!  

5-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four	Implantation continues
Five	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

I am on day 5 according to this chart from the NYU Fertility Center, so there's still hope for us yet!!!  

I'm Not Very Patient

So this is what the waiting game is like, huh?

I can't think of much else right now, other than "am I pregnant?"

Bits of me feel pregnant.  I'm definitely having bizarre dreams, and other weird symptoms like the stuffy nose, constipation, sore boobs, etc... But I always wonder if that could just be from the drugs.

I spend my time searching for the ultimate nursery that's not too cliche and overdone, so basically anything on Pinterest is out.  I can't tell you how many Tree Of Life paintings I've seen on nursery walls.  It looks lovely, but it's just been done way too many times.  I also found an awesome forum on www.babycenter.ca and we have started a support group on facebook which is great!  It's nice to know that there are at people that I have something in common with for the rest of my life!  

I'm pretty sure I am pregnant though.  I just have that feeling.  I really hope I'm right, which is ok because I'm never wrong.  Just ask Lance.  ;)

I decided to do a little project this afternoon.  I wanted to take a picture to mark each month of this pregnancy and I thought it would be neat to tie a number around my belly with a ribbon.  I came up with these... 

They're fairly big.  Each one is about 7"x7", but I think they'll look pretty awesome.  If anyone wants the images sent over, then comment with your email address.  I went with a gender neutral theme because at this moment, neither of us wants to find out what we're having.  Perhaps that'll change, but who knows.  I also made a blank one that I can print out a bunch of times and write things on it like "2WW" and "In Labor!!!"  and things like that.  Maybe we can take a picture of our new family afterwards with a ribbon and tag on the baby with his/her name and birth date, weight etc?  So many ideas in this little head of mine!!!  

Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to hold out until March 11th without doing a POAS test at home.  Just gotta find out exactly when the trigger shot is out of my system.  Hopefully it's soon!!!  

One last thing.  It's weird to think, but according to any website or app I have looked on, it says that today I'm two weeks and four days pregnant.  I know that's not accurate for me as we did IVF and have a pretty good clue as to when the egg was fertilized, and you're not actually pregnant until implantation takes place but I guess the rest of the world goes by the LMP method... Which makes me more pregnant than I thought I was, even though I don't know if I am. 

See, totally driving myself crazy!!!  

<3

The Waiting Game

That was crazy cool!!!

We headed out to Vancouver, but made a pitstop at the Denny's across the street for some breakfast before our appointment.   Their skillet breakfasts are pretty amazing!!!  After breakfast, we checked in at Genesis and after a few minutes the nurse came and got us from the waiting room and took us to the cubicle where I could change in to a gown and they'd go over some of the information.  We were told that they were transferring a "day five embryo, grade 4AA" and that two had already been frozen and there were nine more remaining in culture to see how they grow.  We should hopefully get a call tomorrow that there are more embryos good enough to freeze, but it's relieving knowing that we do have at least a couple as a back-up (although I just really hope that this cycle works for us!).  

After a few minutes of waiting and listening to the excited chatter coming from a few of the other cubicles, another nurse came to bring us to the procedure meditation room.  I didn't feel quite so stressed out this time, but I was still nervous.  It was such a strange feeling to know that within the next few minutes someone was going to put an embryo into my uterus!  

Dr. Kashyap came in, wearing her pretty pink scrubs as usual.  Pink really is her color!  She handed us a picture of the embryo that they were going to transfer, and that was awesome.  I think that's the moment that Lance got a little choked up.  I tossed my legs up in them stirrups and eagerly waited for it all to happen.  

The embryologist came in and verified my name and date of birth, etc, then explained a little about his role, then he ran back off to the room behind us.  We could see what he was doing on the big screen, and I'm not gonna lie... It was one of those "hold my breath moments".  You could see him sucking the embryo up into the catheter, then he came back in the room and handed it to the Dr.  

I made everyone in the room jump when she put the ultrasound probe in... Her actions were just a little faster than her words and she hadn't quite got out the "you'll feel something cold" when I got prodded in the girl-bits.  I jumped a mile high as I just really wasn't expecting it, then we all had a good laugh and got down to business.  

We watched on the ultrasound monitor with excitement as Dr. Kashyap explained what she was seeing and told us to watch for the shooting star.  Moments later she released the embryo and you actually saw a little ball of light leave the tip of the catheter and float around for a few seconds before disappearing.  It's such a weird thing to see, and really makes you feel very honored to see the first few seconds of what will so hopefully become a new life.  It really did glow!  

I waited around for a few minutes with my legs up in the air and the Dr with the probe in my uterus, while the embryologist carefully checked the catheter under the microscope to make sure that the transfer did happen, even though everyone was quite confident that it had happened.  

So now we have our very first picture of what we hope will become our baby.  In one word... Amazing!  

I got dressed and Lance and I left, feeling a little giggly and excited about the next leg of our journey, while noting that the unfortunate could still happen.  We just have to stay positive.  March 11th will be the first beta-HCG pregnancy test... That's gonna feel like forever away, but I'm taking it easy and trying to eat healthier.  

It's just weird to think of all the crazy stuff that is going on inside that old uterus of mine.  I read way too much information on the process of fertilization and implantation, and am totally on information overload!  Love it!!!  

Transfer Day Is Finally Here!

We're just in the midst of getting ready to head out to Vancouver to have the transfer done.  Lance is just taking an extraordinarily long time in the bathroom and I'm assuming he's got his iPad in there playing Clash Of Clans, so I took the opportunity to quickly update my blog.  ;)

I barely slept last night, and both Lance and I had nightmares about absolutely ridiculous things.   I felt crampy and nauseated.  My brain would not shut off for the life of me.  What would we do if we had twins?  What would we do if I miscarry?  What if it's a boy?  What if it's a girl?  So many questions!!!

Of all the nights to forget to turn off my ringer too, my Mum texted me at 0630am to wish us good luck and that woke me up... I never did get back to sleep after that, but I think a lot of it is just from excitement about hopefully moving on to the pregnancy part of IVF.  At least the nausea will be welcomed then!

Off to Vancouver we go.  Updates to come later!!!

Lance always tells me to just "go to sleep".  It drives me insane.

Especially because he's snoring within 30 seconds of saying that to me.  Argh!

Tomorrow Is Transfer Day!

This has been the fastest and slowest month of my entire life! I got a call from Genesis on Tuesday that our little embryos had done well and that they would be pushing me to day five.

Reality is hitting us both that we could be expecting really frigging soon, and I'm sure this two week waiting period will fly by so quickly...  Not!

This is gonna be a long stretch of waiting. I have to try not to go and buy a million pregnancy tests. Sigh!

Tomorrow we head to Vancouver to get a glimpse of our embryos and ultimately have one of them transferred to its new home for the next nine months. Eep!

How am I ever going to sleep tonight???

Egg Retrieval Complete!

Yesterday, Lance and I headed out to Vancouver for the egg retrieval.  To say that I was a bit nervous would be a serious understatement.  I could have avoided this by not reading all those damn forums, but it's just so hard to avoid them!

We left at 6am, and wouldn't you know it... It was snowing.  It's a good thing we took the snow tires off yesterday.  *sigh*

I nervously waited for the nurse to come and get us, which took FOREVER!  Talk about building suspense!  Finally, we were brought in to the procedure area where a nurse went over what was going to happen, and answered any questions that we had.  She gave me a couple of Tylenol, 1mg Ativan and started an IV, then hung 1g Ancef (an antibiotic).

Looking a bit pale.  Soooooo nervous!  

Lance, playing around with his surgical cap!
He doesn't like to smile for the camera.

When they finally had the procedure room ready, we went in.  Lance got to sit on the chair beside me whilst I hoisted my bare legs into the stirrups.  Dr. Kashyap came in and told me to try and relax and that this wasn't a procedure room, it was a meditation room.  She did a fantastic job of helping me calm down... That and the Fentanyl they were giving me through the IV.

I'd love to say that it was a painless experience, but it definitely wasn't as painful as I'd built myself up to imagine.  It was crampy and pinchy.  The thought of them poking a needle through my vagina into my ovaries made it all worse.

The whole thing probably lasted 20 minutes.  They said that they were able to retrieve 16 eggs (which is great), then helped me into a wheelchair and back to the recovery area.  The nurse came and checked my vitals every 15 minutes and brought me juice and cookies.  I slept on and off, feeling nauseated when I tried to move.  After an hour, I was good to go, other than the cramping pain, but that is to be expected for the next couple of days because my ovaries are the size of football fields.  I slept the entire way home, then I slept on and off for the rest of the day.  I finally crawled into bed around 9pm, and slept solid until 5:30am (Which is when we got up to watch the Canadian Men's Team win the final gold medal in the Sochi 2014 Olympics!  Go Canada, Go!!!

I felt a little uneasy this morning as I knew we would be getting a call from Genesis this afternoon to let us know how the fertilization process was going.  They called at 9am.

You cannot even imagine how many things went through my head when I heard the phone ring and waddled over to the coffee table to answer it...

"Why are they calling so early?  This can't be good!"
"Are they going to tell me that they mixed up the specimens?"
"Did they have a huge power-outage because of the snow storm and the embryos are ruined?"

One of the lab techs (after confirming that he was talking to me) said "Good news!"  I breathed!  Apparently they were able to collect an amazing 20 eggs from me yesterday.  19 were injected and 12 have made it to fertilization day one!!!  This means that we have 12 chances to make a baby happen!  Apparently they will only transfer one embryo, so it doesn't look like we'll have the chance at multiple births, but whatever!  I just want a healthy developed baby, and if that means only one... Then that's good enough for us!

We won't hear anything from Genesis tomorrow as they are just going to let the embryos do their thing until Tuesday morning, then we get another update and they should set the date for our embryo transfer.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty confident right now.  Let's just hope that my uterus is on the same team!

I got triggered!

I had to be in Vancouver again yesterday morning (my birthday!) at 7:30am for more labs and another ultrasound. Dr Kashyap said that everything was looking good and from what I gathered my follicles are growing adequately and she asked to see me again the next day. As I was driving home from a busy day of birthday shopping, Genesis called and said that my lab results were in and they were decreasing my dose of Gonal F and Menopur. Yay! This was good news because it means that my body is still responding well to the hormones!

I went back again this morning and they brought me right in for the ultrasound... My follicles are still growing and my uterus looks great! Dr Kashyap asked if I could hang around Vancouver until the afternoon because they wanted to see if I could be triggered, but needed the lab results first.

This is all a new language to me. What the heck does "triggered" mean?

I went for a solo breakfast at Denny's and contemplated googling "IVF trigger" but decided against it, just in case it was something painful or scary. I'm such a wuss!

I spent the next four hours walking aimlessly up and down Broadway, checking out the occasional interesting store. Pottery Barn had tonnes of neat ideas that I'd like to recreate myself for 1/10th the cost, and I saw the neatest baby swing in an overpriced baby store. Finally I found a Michaels Craft Store, and not 10 minutes later I get the call from Genesis that my labs are in and they want to trigger me tonight. I head back to Genesis to pick up the next step of instructions and another prescription and finally get to head home!!! What an exhausting day!

When I got home I googled a bit about this trigger. Basically I have to inject myself with the HCG hormone at 10pm today and stop taking any other shots. Oh happy days! The HCG will help mature a follicle and start ovulation in about 36 hours. My egg retrieval is scheduled in 34 hours.

S*** just got real again!

The reality of it all hit me on the way home. I'm so excited, but suddenly so scared! I know I can do this... Hell, I got through the hormone injections without killing or maiming anyone... I can handle pregnancy! I just really, really, really hope that everything works out and we don't have something horrible happen now that we're this close.

My fingers and toes are sooooooooo crossed!